At an early age, I started pursuing hockey as my number one priority in life and that was my problem…

My identity was found in hockey at a young age, and that's how other people saw me as well.  I accepted and embraced being “the hockey player” which shaped my perception of myself. I took pride in my title and that's how I wanted to be known. Unfortunately, just like any earthly thing, sports - specifically performance - is very inconsistent. How could I be a consistent human when my identity was in something so inconsistent?

In February of 2023, everything was going right for me in hockey. I was playing in the ECHL, and I made grand plans in my head of what the next few years would look like. There were talks about me moving up to the AHL, but I got a concussion in a game and missed the last 20 games of the season. All those talks came to a halt. It was tough to deal with and frustrating because I thought everything was finally starting to go “my” way.

In the off season, I did not sign the deal I wanted to, but I was invited on a PTO (professional tryout) to an American League training camp to prove myself. I thought this was going to be my time to make a lasting impression. I was wrong. I got extremely sick during camp and ended up missing the whole two weeks minus one practice. I was sent back down to my ECHL team.

I thought to myself, “I just need to prove myself at the start of the season and I’ll get called up”.  I was wrong again. I ended up getting another head injury a few games into the season. I missed the next month or so to rehab. When I came back, the staff and doctors brought me in and warned me against playing hockey due to my head injuries. They did not want to put me at risk of permanent damage. I left that team and finished my season in Europe. Following the conclusion of the season, I made the difficult decision to retire, based on my injuries and the recommendation of so many experts.

It was an incredibly painful year for me, both literally and figuratively. I went from such a high at the beginning of the season with the AHL tryout, to such a low by the end with my decision to retire. There is no belittling how hard that was, however, I am thankful that I decided to put my worth in Christ a few years earlier. Without that, I genuinely don’t know how I would have handled those circumstances.

When I was younger, I struggled with performance anxiety and finding my value as a person in my success. Injuries and poor performances sent me spiraling into states of depression and feeling worthless. I consistently gave everything I had to this sport but was not consistently getting the results I wanted. This dictated my mood drastically - if I performed well, I was a joy to be around and loved life. I was the complete opposite when I did not.

I heard Gary Steffes talk about “identity” multiple times growing up, but I always brushed it off. I thought it was a great message and it made me think, but it wasn’t until college that I became ready to find my worth in anything outside hockey. As I went through college, I really started to consider questions like, “what is my worth and where does it come from?” Hockey was going to end one day and then what? Who was I?

I was fortunate to have countless influential people pour into my life, which led to me getting baptized and fully living for the Lord in the summer of 2021. After that, my priorities shifted. Jesus became who I was living for, not a hockey puck. My salvation was, and always will be, the best decision of my life. Putting my value and worth in Jesus Christ opened my eyes to my true identity of being a Christian that happens to play hockey. I became rooted in something that is not fleeting, which is a personal relationship with the Creator.

My worth is now found in Jesus Christ; I am Christ follower. Hockey may have been taken from me, but my identity in Christ will remain true no matter what earthly situations occur. I have an eternal perspective now and I'm thankful for the time He gave me to pursue the game. I have new passions that the Lord has blessed me with now, including coaching, mentoring and advising. I started a company called The Inside Edge to help hockey players achieve their goals. I’m able to connect players with teams and mentor athletes on their journey with goal setting, confidence building, and consistency.

To close, I want to encourage you with Luke 9:23, “And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” Following Christ is a daily decision that needs to be intentional, and when you do, you live with your worth in something truly perfect.