The Lie of Who I Was / Guest Post by Talor Joseph

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a Christian home with a family who supported me wholeheartedly. Even with their support, it was easy to let hockey take over my identity and become my master over my Father in Heaven.
 
Somewhere along the line, I lost my identity in who I was made to be.  
 
Here are some of the lies that I believed about myself:

Hockey was my everything; ever since I was 7 years old, my life was structured around practices, games, workouts, etc. When people asked me, "Who is Talor Joseph?" Without any hesitation, I would say, "a hockey player." My value was dependent on the level of hockey I played. If I was in a respected league or team, I felt confident. If I got cut from a team and played in a weaker league, I felt inferior. 
 
Living with my identity wrapped up in hockey left me empty inside. I was never satisfied and always searching for more, often in things of this world. Going down this path led to disappointment, anxiousness, and at times, depression. Living with hockey as my identity meant I would ride the waves of the good times and bad times it brought. There was no peace in my heart; I lacked spiritual stability. The worst part is that at times my faith took a back seat to hockey. I hit an all-time low when I was sidelined in my last year of junior with a season-ending injury. I was the top-ranked goalie in the nation, on the top-ranked team in Canada hosting nationals, and I had NCAA Division 1 offers. With my identity being wrapped up in hockey, I felt like I had lost everything.

My purpose in life was hockey and nothing else. I was going to play junior hockey, get an NCAA scholarship, play in the NHL for 10 years, and cap it off with a Stanley Cup championship. I truly felt that anything but attaining this dream would be a failure. I believed I would be left completely empty if I didn’t reach these goals. There was no backup plan, and the fear of life after hockey at one time seemed very frightening and uncertain. When you put all your time and effort into something for most of your life, it leaves you scared of what the future may hold.

Matthew 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.” 
 
One day I was debating on quitting hockey because I felt so far away from my dreams. I felt like I had no value, and hockey was wearing me down. I picked up my Bible and asked God what he wanted from me. I fully surrendered and asked Him to put it on my heart what he wanted me to do. Moments after putting my Bible down, I turned on the NHL network and watched the highlights from that night. Something was different about this game.  A friend and goalie I used to heavily compete against in junior ended up making his NHL debut that night. It lit a fire in me, but not of one of jealousy or pride because I thought he deserved what he got. I felt God in that moment so heavily tell me to keep going and trust Him even when it didn’t look possible that it could happen for me. I had come to the realization that these lies I believed about myself were destroying my passion and confidence; but in my quiet time with God, he revealed to me that I was looking for value and identity in all the wrong places.  
 
I wanted to glorify myself and selfishly make it to the NHL for my own selfish desires. I needed to make the change that everything is for Him, everything I do! My value or satisfaction in life didn’t come from whether I made the NHL, but from how I could glorify the King of Kings with the ability he has given me. THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING! I wasn’t fighting with my identity anymore; I felt completely free! My passion was reignited for the sport, and the reason was to glorify God in everything I do and to be a light in the hockey world for Him! 
 
Fast forward almost a year later, against all odds, I made my debut in the AHL. I was off the ice for 6 weeks and didn’t find out I was playing until an hour before puck drop. I knew this was my moment and that only God had opened the door. 
 
That night I got my first AHL win, first star, and an assist to cap it off. After the game, I was interviewed, and I had the opportunity to thank God for the opportunity. All the glory to God!

Here are some of the truths of who I am in Christ:  

John 1:12 “But to all who believed Him and accepted Him, He gave the right to become children of God.”
 
Now when people ask me who I am, I say I am a follower of Christ, a child of the living God. Hockey isn’t my everything like it used to be. Hockey is a skill that God has blessed me with the ability to do, but it isn’t my identity. I am a child of God, and I use the platform He has given me to help be a light for Him. Although I love hockey and still have the same dreams to fulfill, If I don’t attain them, it is okay because I know God is in control and He knows what is best for me. My passion is still there for the game. It is not for my selfish desires and what I can achieve, but what God can achieve in and through me that drives my passion for the game.

Matthew 28:19-20 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
 
My purpose is to be a disciple for Christ. God has given us all skills and abilities so unique to our being. I truly believe our job is to use what he has given us to bless others and bring people to Him. I know that my identity is rooted in Christ, and for now, hockey is my mission’s field. It has given me opportunities to make many lifelong friendships and the ability to spread the gospel while I get to play the sport that I love. What a blessing! It is still okay for me to have dreams to make the NHL, but it is not why I play. I play for Christ, and whatever road he decides to take me down in this journey I will accept and be thankful. Although I still go through trials and do not fully understand the road I am on, I know who I am in Christ and that He is in control! This is the best place to be! And if one day Christ decides to put me in the NHL, no one will be able to deny that He is the reason. 
 
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

1. Spend Time With Him Daily: Like in relationships with loved ones, you spend time with them. It is important to abide in Christ daily, read his word, and meditate on it.  
 
2. Surrender Yourself Daily: It is a daily fight to lay your wants and desires down at the cross, but it is a must. God knows what we need before we know. I have learned to surrender daily and keep my eyes on Christ.  
 
3. Keep Your Eyes on Christ: Often it is easy to get in your head or see the noise around you. The negative thoughts, the opinions of teammates, coaches, friends, etc. It is important to keep your eyes on Christ because He has made you who you are with dreams and desires for a reason. It is important to keep your eyes on him. 
 
Matthew 14:29-33 “Come,” He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Talor Joseph is a professional hockey player (goalie) currently playing in Columbus GA. He has spent time in the AHL, ECHL, SPHL, and FPHL. Although hockey is a big part of his life, it is just part his mission field- to serve others and try to be a light for Christ.