One figure within the Old Testament whose narrative journey with the Lord has always struck me as peculiar, is that of Samson. As a young man reading the story of Samson, spanning from Judges Ch. 13-16, I found much to admire within his character. Most pointedly, his tremendous strength and ultimate sacrifice (spoiler alert) stuck out to me as characteristics that I perceived to be profoundly inspiring. I too, transposing Samson's character upon my own life, hoped and prayed that the Lord would bless me with such characteristics and determination to carry out His will within whatever context I would find myself in.

More recently however, I find myself falling into a negative frame of mind regarding God’s call upon my life. Specifically, I find myself susceptible to believing that I have not prepared myself adequately to be used by the Lord, or that I am unable to hold such a profound calling as Samson did. I often feel this way when my devotional life takes a hit, or when my daily prayers become weekly prayers. While I feel God’s definitive call upon my life to be a champion for him within my communities, I simultaneously struggle with feeling the crushing weight of my own inadequacy when considering myself within this light. How can I be a light to the world, when some weeks I struggle to crack open my Bible at all?

I don’t believe this headspace to be entirely uncommon. In every pursuit in life, be it athletics, work-life, the faith, or our access to social media, we are bombarded with a million examples of people more equipped and more qualified to live our lives and accomplish our goals than we are. For every pound I add to my squat in the gym, there's a 16 year old in Texas who reps hundreds of pounds more than me. While access to such a dramatic catalog of individuals via the internet can be inspiring, it can also be daunting. Imposter syndrome is real.

Returning to the story of Samson, a more recent rereading of this text revealed to me some startling aspects of his character which were lost upon me in my elementary understanding of the passage. Specifically, the tremendous amount of faults which the Judges author lists against Samson is jarring. Consecrated as a Nazarite from birth, one of the very first actions we see Samson do is take honey from the dead carcass of a lion that he killed (awesome). Interacting with a corpse in this manner broke his Nazarite vow (less awesome), per Numbers 6:6, and yet, the Lord still used Samson. Samson engaged in an illicit marriage with a Philistine woman, an act which the Lord specifically asked the Israelites not to do (Deuteronomy 7:3), and yet the Lord still empowered Samson to strike down 30 Philistine men later in the same chapter. More climatically yet, even after having his hair sheared (a clear visual sign that Samson had forsaken his nazarite vow to the Lord), upon his prayer, the Lord still empowered Samson to to push down the beams of the Philistine house which he was confined within, exacting righteous revenge upon those who had harmed him.

I don’t mean to imply that our actions and discipline in our adherence to the Lord and His statutes don’t matter. What we say and do matters very much, and our pursuit of growth and personal betterment is a vital component of our progression within our faith. There is absolutely an aspect of personal responsibility within our faith pursuit. Simultaneously however, there is grace. What I deem to be key, in the light of Samson’s example, is the way in which the Lord utilizes sinful and broken people for His glory. Samson was not a perfect man by any means, and yet, the Lord was able to use him in profound ways, even in his fallen nature.

What I think Samson’s example speaks to in my life, is my own hesitancy to act confidently in the Lord in light of my perceived brokenness. Even while writing this blog post, I find myself battling the perspective that there is someone better, and more qualified to be doing this than me. Yet, in faith, it is my prayer that the Lord would use me, even in my brokenness, for His glory, and that He would continue to work in me making me into the man who He has arranged for me to be, often in spite of my own action. Though our sin is great, His love is greater, and we can have security and confidence that His grace is enough for us.