From the age of 3 until about 12, every year at Christmas time my parents would ask me to write down a big PRESENT that I would want. This ranged from a Lego set, to a bicycle, and everywhere in between. One of my favorite childhood memories was waking up early on Christmas morning and SEEK throughout the house to find my big PRESENT from Santa Claus! The process of SEEKING to find the PRESENT throughout the house was part of the experience that I loved. There were times that it took me a while to find the PRESENT, but the harder it was to find, the more challenging the experience became! Ultimately, I found the PRESENT every time…Why? Because I believed that the value of the PRESENT was worth the time and effort it took to find it!

However, after the initial excitement of receiving the PRESENT wore off, so too did my interest in it. As of today, I do not still have a single big PRESENT that I opened from Santa. I either lost it, broke it, or sold it. The reality is that PRESENTS only satisfy certain interests and desires for a period of time.
 
This is why I’ve come to believe that SEEKING God with ALL my heart involves SEEKING His PRESENCE instead of a PRESENT that He can give! Far too often, I found myself SEEKING God with ALL my heart when I was in a tight situation. I desperately needed to pass a test in order to pass a class; I desperately needed to have a good game because college scouts were evaluating me; I desperately needed a real estate transaction to close because we were short on money…etc. The list can go on and on, but you get the point. I sought the LORD when I needed Him to show up big time. Regardless of the outcome, whether it went in my favor or not, I often found that the time and effort I put in to pursuing God would wear off over time.  

What this developed in me was a relationship with God which was transactional. I would SEEK the LORD with ALL my heart whenever I felt like a really needed Him, but when life was going according to my plan, I could rely on my own strength. Obviously, this was a lie or an illusion that I believed, but it was the truth.  

So you might be asking, “What changed?” Well in 2019, God captured my heart through a radical experience of His grace that forever changed my life! In a nutshell, God revealed to me that my life was built upon a faulty foundation of self-righteousness. I was trying to live according to the law by doing my very best to uphold the law, but this outside-in endeavor only left me exhausted! I needed to experience His unconditional love & grace because just an intellectual knowledge or grace was insufficient for true transformation.  

I share this part of my testimony because it was the pivotal moment in my life where my relationship with God became intimate! Once God captured my heart by showing me just how much I had been saved and delivered from, I couldn’t help but want to respond with my love and devotion! This sparked a deep passion to not only want to know Him more, but to spend quality time in His PRESENCE throughout my day! I enjoyed communing with my Father on walks, in my car, or in between meetings.  

God’s PRESENCE is now what I desire the most! I desire to break away from the busyness of life to spend a few hours, or days SEEKING His PRESENCE in an intentional way! I have a few spots around town that I can get to within minutes of my home, and they have little distractions. When I purposefully set aside time to SEEK Him, He ALWAYS shows up! His PRESENCE is what I have grown to love more than anything else. Why? Because this kind of relationship is dynamic, which means that there is always something new to learn about who my heavenly Father is! This dynamic relationship also allows for God to show me the areas in my life that He wants to strengthen or remove. This kind of relationship is what keeps me engaged to continually want to SEEK Him more!

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